Category: Uncategorized

2020 has been a shitshow.

I’m rapidly running out of news sources I can bear to read.  Events occurring are unbelievable.

The US is on fire.  Literally and figuratively, as people’s rage finally outweighs their fear and what little respect was left, and they rise up.  In another time there might’ve been people in power willing to take the long road to reconciliation, even if it was only hollow words meant to calm the beast and lead it back to it’s cage.

Not at this point.  The violence increases, and the people become more angry, not less.  This is a game of one-upmanship which can only ever end badly.  The people are getting bloodied, and that is causing more people to finally stop ignoring what a section of the population has had to endure for the whole history of the country.

The coronavirus is still out there, still mutating, still a real and present danger.  The people out there trying to get someone, anyone to change the way things are — they’re at greater risk now than ever before.  First from this virus which thrives in crowds and contact, and second from the very real weaponry arrayed against them.

I can’t bear to watch.  I can’t look away.  It’s heartbreaking.

It’s been a weird year so far.

Obviously, COVID-19 is turning the year into a dumpster fire globally.

People are showing their true character. Some are heroes. Some are survivors.

Some are narcissists. Some are monsters. Some are anarchists.

It’s a good time to stay away from people. Not only because hey, COVID could kill you, but also because hey, they could kill you. It’s not as bad here compared with a lot of other places, but there are still people who struggle and argue against sane precautions.

For us though, little has changed. I can’t say *nothing* has changed, that’s not true. Grocery shopping is now online shopping, and that’s been a rollercoaster. Our normal weekend outings and weekday takeout, also put on extended hold.

Other than that.. it’s all pretty normal. It’s not like we are highly social individuals, and we both enjoy this home we’ve made. If it wasn’t for seasonal allergies I’d say there’s little to personally complain about.

Allergies however provide ample fuel for complaints. I remember not having a plugged nose. I believe it was *last September*! I’m hoping it passes.

We have a fair amount of home maintenance work to do this year, that’s unchanged. Luckily for us we have a contractor who is working during this period, so fences will continue to get mended (and extended) and the concrete pad for shed #2 will be placed.

2 more buildings on our property – a shed and a gazebo, and we’ll be ‘done’ adding structures. Only the shed will get built this year however, but it’ll keep us busy this summer – these are nontrivial, and even when it’s build it still needs to be sealed, painted, insulated and have a path carved into the yard.

Gosh, I’m getting tired just thinking about it 😀

Sometimes I’m sure.

The older I get, the more I find revisiting memories similar to watching a bad movie again. “What? What the hell just happened? No, don’t do that! Look, he did that, what the hell?”

There are some old memories like that, but more recent ones. That could be because memories fade, and I can only clearly remember the recent events. It could be it’s become more common as I get older — that too wouldn’t be too surprising.

I need to keep an eye on it, which is surprisingly hard to do from the inside, especially when it all seems rational in the moment.

One day I may have to do something about this.

For now I’m making do with a sign on my desk.

It reads

Remain calm
and
pause
before speaking
don’t rush.

I would do well to let it catch my eye more often, perhaps paired with another that simply reads

Count to ten

You know what? That’s perfectly fine.

I’m not writing this for anyone else, if I was I’d probably not write it at all, unhappy with how the words don’t come out perfectly formed on demand. Unhappy at how the topics aren’t exciting to anyone but me. Concerned that I might be exposing more than I mean to.

It’s for me.

This is going to be an interesting week. I mean, it’s half over today, tomorrow’s Thursday, but it’s still going to be interesting. I’ve spent the past few months pushing hard to get things done. I’ve documented all the secret things I know. I’ve shown anyone who would listen how to use all the tools. I’ve done all the heavy lifting I possibly could, all with the goal of not leaving tasks undone.

It hasn’t turned out as well as I hoped. Strictly C-level grade at best. Barely passing. I’ll have to do however. This clock has wound down, and I’m almost out of time I’m able to spend on these endeavors.

Tomorrow I go into the office, and there’ll be much to talk about.

The year ended in a rush, the days blurring together.

I won’t lie, the last few months of 2018 were difficult personally. The wave of pets dying, coupled with a pretty heavy seasonal depression were hard to take.

I survived however, and made it into the new year. It’s been surprisingly busy.

Christina came across an article sometime last year about how memories are formed. Apparently regularly occurring events don’t record the same way as new or differing events. In computer terms, the brain takes only the differences and writes them down. That means that a day spent like any other will fly by (or be recalled as swiftly passing), where a new event will be recorded full length.

This explains long days as a child, as well as how doctor’s visits seem to carve off a chunk of eternity.

So, that being said, that’s been foremost in my mind. I’ve done different things. Things I don’t do regularly. It’s only the 12th of January, but it feels like it’s taken a long time to get here. I count that as a good thing.

Doing some different things will be good for me. I’ve been feeling like I might rust if I remain at rest.

I was looking back at my blog, and I saw I hadn’t posted this here. I’m retroactively posting it for that time.

Mr. Rabbit has died. I wish I could say it was peacefully. I kept my hands on him until he was gone, so that he was not alone in those final moments. It breaks my heart.

We brought him to the vet in a rush, as I wasn’t sure he’d be around tomorrow. He’s thin. He’s so fluffy I hadn’t noticed, but he’s just bones really. His temperature was so low the vet couldn’t check it. He’s had a round of fluids, and some antibiotics.

It didn’t help. It was too little, too late. I don’t think he was even conscious at the end. God, I hope he wasn’t. It was a horrible end. It looked agonizing. All I could do was hang onto him as he failed.

It’s been months (this is being posted from 2019), and this memory still makes me flinch hard. Still brings tears to my eyes.

Mr Rabbit, I’m so sorry the end took you like that.

I don’t think 30000 days will be long enough.