Category: Blog

A year ago I noticed an old black cat was hanging around. It looked thin. Starved. I suspected it’d been abandoned.

I gave it a bowl of food, and the desperation with which it ate struck a chord with me. It took three full cereal bowls before it finally walked away. I resolved to feed it. One additional cat would hardly break the bank.

It took months before it stopped forcing down absolutely every scrap it was offered. Months before it started looking a bit less gaunt. It did improve though, and the frequency with which we saw it convinced me it really didn’t have a home.

We set up a few insulated pet houses outside, to keep the wind and rain off. Old black was joined by old grey, and the two of them would spend hours sleeping on the furniture outside, or wandering the yard.
Old black would come over anytime I came outside and loudly demand attention, usually in the form of scratches. Needle sharp claws presented if he was ignored for too long.

A few days ago I noticed old black wasn’t coming by for food. He was spending a lot of time sleeping, but I didn’t see him eating anything. Yesterday I didn’t see him at all — and that was weird, since this was essentially home base.

This morning I found him. Half out of one of the houses, and face down. Gone.

It’s obviously been a few hours, he’s cold. I’ve wrapped him in a soft towel, and again in plastic, and in a few hours I’ll take him to the vet for cremation.

It’s not the least I could do, but it is all I can offer. One final bit of dignity.

I haven’t said it in a while.

I appreciate the chance I’ve had to be a part of your lives. To peer in from the outside, to occasionally be invited in. To bear witness to your great moments.. and the ones that weren’t really so great after all.

I’m bad at socializing, and even worse at keeping in touch. That said, I value the moments we’ve shared, as friends, as acquaintances, as colleagues, and sometimes as opponents.

I firmly believe you’re all worth knowing (or you wouldn’t still be on my friends list). I believe I’m lucky to have met you. I hope the next time our paths cross, you’ll remember me fondly, or even just a little.

Thank you.

Now, that said, I had a friend ask if I had a terminal illness (or was otherwise abandoning facebook).  I realized at that point that yeah, it looks like that, as people don’t tend to say the things they feel most strongly until they’re almost out of time.

That’s not the case here, and I feel better for saying it now instead of waiting until that moment.

I realized something while responding to something I saw posted that said “Love thy neighbor (without exception)”

I realized that for me.. that’s not true.

My love has conditions.  It has exceptions.  It’s not all encompassing and all tolerant.  It does distinguish between people.  It’s not even free.

That’s how I can tell that it actually means something.