ambition [æmˈbɪʃən]n

1. strong desire for success, achievement, or distinction

2. something so desired; goal; aim

I have it.  When the hell did that happen?

I wouldn’t have called myself an ambitious man growing up.  I had some ideas about what I wanted, but I wasn’t driven to accomplish them.  Mostly I just waited patiently for the things I wanted to come to pass, and rationalized if they didn’t.  Surely, since it didn’t happen, it obviously wasn’t meant to be right?

During my first marriage I found my drive, my determination.  Somewhat stumbling and hesitant true, but it raised me from where I’d been crouching down waiting, and put my feet on the right path.  It goaded me onward, to take a chance, to try something new, to make something of myself.  In a few short years I turned around to discover I’d exceeded all of my own expectations.  My future was bright, and my present was pretty good too.  Almost instinctively I put on the brakes and tried my hardest to maintain this state.

You see, any improvements come as a result of change.  The word improvement itself means “change something to make it better”.  That’s the rub really.  Change implies risk.  There’s no guarantee that reaching for the higher rung doesn’t result in slipping and smashing your nose on the ground.  Looking around you see people experiencing exactly that – they try, they fail, and they end up in a worse position.  But how much weight should that hold with you?  I mean seriously.  You’re not them.  They’re not you.  Your situation is unique, and your life choices are your own.  Just because someone else can’t ride a bike, doesn’t mean that no bike can be ridden.

It took being on my own again, where the risks were near par with the rewards to make a change, to leave my comfortable nest and strike out in a new city.  Had I learned anything?  Well, not a lot really.  I’d done something new finally, but more because I had less to lose, than because I had more to gain.

Fast forward now a few years.  Suddenly I’m making the decisions, instead of reacting to them.  I’ve found new things to do, and to learn.  I’m reaching for the next rung, even though there’s a chance I might slip.  I’m determined, and I have thrown myself into the struggle to make life better.

I’m no longer satisfied to stay in my comfort zone.  It’s warm and safe, true enough – but it doesn’t make me feel like I’m accomplishing things.  I can’t wait any longer for things to come my way.  Now I am searching for them, and I’m prepared to claim them as mine.

Ambition? Yeah, I’ve got it.  Watch out, here I come.